Find Your Identity After Having Children

Embrace the change

When I was pregnant with my first, I promised myself I would never be one of those moms who only talk about their kids. Well, guess what? Fast forward to today, and I am most definitely one of those mums that talk about their kids like a lot, and I make no apologies. They are pretty dang amazing, if I do say so myself. It's perfectly ok to change your mind and revel in the changing role from starry-eyed party-goer to the ooey-gooey love-struck mum. We have brought life into this world, and it's supposed to change us. It's biology. Duh. 

When they entered the chat, everything we thought we knew and everything we thought was important was forever changed. We quickly realised we know very little, and the only thing that matters in the world is taking care of those squishy little bundles. We become obsessed with being the best mum we can be, and I, for one, think we should be applauded for it. Unfortunately, there is a downside to that laser focus. We sometimes lose ourselves in the process.

So how do we get her back?

You better work, B*tch. Or don't

You said it, Britney. If, and this is a big if, you do wanna go back to your career, then YOU GO GIRL. If you want to stay home, ditto. You need to do whatever makes you feel whole and fulfilled. If you want to keep pursuing your goal to be at the top of your game, plan with hubs and figure out how to get back out there. Maybe your partner can scale back and allow you peace of mind, knowing that little Johnny is at home with one of his doting parents. Or maybe you both decide that a nanny or extra childcare is the best option for your life. Maybe you sort out a more flexible work/ life balance. My point here is that whatever YOU want, make it a priority. No mum guilt. See above.

Conversely, that once all-consuming career path may not seem so important anymore. Allow yourself to change course and do what feels right in your mum's soul. Maybe you choose a whole new direction? The world wide web is full of opportunities you have yet to consider. Or maybe you are fully content being a SAHM. It's like a choose-your-own-adventure book for mums. And let me say this loud and clear for those in the back: YOU DO YOU. But make yourself a priority. You deserve it.

Becoming a mum is a game changer. There's no other way to slice it. It's beautiful, it's messy, it's super freaking hard, and it can be heavy. There will be trying times ahead when you will feel like you're drowning and you can do nothing right. You will question if you are even cut out for it. And anyone that tells you differently is a full-fledged liar. I want you to know this: when you make time for yourself, you are a better mum for it. You have gas in the tank. You have the wind in your sails. You get my drift. All this to say, I want you to fight for her. Fight as hard as you fight for those little humans you created. She is just as important – if not more important – than anyone else in your house. You're the ship's captain, and if you aren't rock steady, the ship might go down. They need you to be your best self. They deserve that. And most importantly, you deserve that.

You got this. Welcome back, girlfriend.